Heard it through the Grapevine...

Of course someone from my generation can't sing that song without thinking of the California Raisins...    But, baby, someone heard it through the grapevine that I'm having bariatric surgery! 

I'm typically a quiet, introspective person who doesn't tell everyone my business... which I'm sure sounds contradictory given I'm writing this here blog of mine... but it's really just for me. I do it as a way to journal and keep track of my info. It's not something I plan to monetize and make money from or try to get likes, shares, and a guest spot on Ellen. 

I've been debating a while as to whether I want to notify my Facebook community. Part of me wants to say, "Oh, by the way, I'm having surgery and I appreciate your prayers." But then that's always followed up with questions or concerns and whatnot. Or it sounds like your trying to get that kind of attention and baiting them. The people closest to me know about my surgery because I told them individually and privately; my husband and child, siblings, Dad, immediate co-workers/supervisors, the staff nurse where I work, and a handful of select, nutty friends. (Add in the raisins and boom- trail mix.) My main hesitation in posting anything publicly is that there will always, always, ALWAYS, be some naysayers, and sometimes it will surprise you who they turn out to be. I am too busy to deal with someone else's hangups and insecurities because they're redirecting their feelings at me and what I know to be true about my own body. 

WELP, it's already happned. My Dad, whose memory isn't what it was, knows in the back of his mind that I'm having surgery, but he can't remember the date even though I wrote it down for him. So every time I see him he asks me when it is. I think it's on his mind a lot lately and so when he recently spoke to his sister on the phone he told her about my surgery. I don't really care, per se... I know he just cares about me and I hadn't asked him to keep it secret. However, I'm not a social butterfly gossip type so it doesn't really occur to me to tell people's business... but my aunt sort of is that type of person. (I imagine my Mom in heaven right now chuckling in disbelief that I wrote "sort of," lol. I hear you, Mom.) So Dad told my aunt who in turn told her granddaughter. I'm hoping they were visiting each other and didn't LITERALLY start a gossip grape vine. (Especially because my aunt has had the same problem with the bread basket I've always had!) 

Anyway, Monday morning I was exhausted from a rough weekend dealing with my daughter's tonsillectomy recovery and it finally looked like, hey she's increasing her fluid intake again and finally taken some more ibuprofen! Yay! I felt that I could in good conscience shower up and head to those final pre-op appointments without feeling anxious about her status the entire time. (I had really been worried we would need to take her in for an IV but thankfully she has cooperated better). While I was busy trying to get ready to leave for my appointments in a city 45 minutes away, I start getting IM'd through Facebook. My health guru life coach cousin heard about my surgery. Here's her unsolicited advice, my one response, and some reflections I have on the conversation:

"Hey hey sweet lady! Uncle Bud called last night. He said you are having gastric? Is everything ok? We want to pray for you!"

"I'm ok, I just need another tool to help with my weight. Prayers are appreciated. Daughter needs prayers too. She had her tonsils out last week and isn't drinking as much as I think she should."

"Oh no! I will pray for her! It's hard when your throat hurts." 

See, it's fine up until here...

"What all have you tried to get to your goal weight?" 

Um... damn near everything, but none of your business. I bite my tongue, keep getting dressed, and I really don't have time for ANY of this.

 "What all have you heard about gastric? Have you spoken to someone who has had it?

Who the hell decides to cut off 75% of their stomach without doing any research? What medical program would allow them to go in completely uneducated? I bite my tongue, keep getting dressed, and I really don't have time for ANY of this. I have an appointment to get to.

"I know 2 people who have and can introduce you if it would be helpful?" 

Ok, well that's kind. I won't knock that.

"They both struggled with getting in nutrition afterwards because it is taking out part of what GOD gave us to absorb nutrition." 

What the huh? Are you trying to use religion to shame me or dissuade me from having surgery? Granted, he was talking about adultery here, but I think maybe Jesus would be ok with gastric surgery if it helps with gluttony:

Matthew 5:29-30If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.

Even while I'm busy getting dressed and not writing back, she goes on:

"I want you to have all of the info to be prepared after."

Again... you're making a lot of assumptions here. Thanks for insulting my intelligence.

She went on to suggest things to help my daughter recover from her tonsillectomy (surprise! all the same things the doctor, the internet, and everyone else I know has suggested) and then asked when my surgery date is. I'm not one to normally be rude, but I just don't want to continue the conversation, so I didn't. And that's that.

Thankfully, everyone else has been supportive. They've been honest about the idea of surgery making them nervous, but I know that's just because they care about me and don't want anything bad to happen. Surgery is definitely a risk, but so is my current lifestyle. I want to be able to walk around a zoo or a theme park or ride a roller coaster and have a good time! Hell, at this point I'll settle for not being drenched with sweat just from standing in the shower. Some people just don't know and never will. I call that "thin privilege."